Monthly archives of “July 2010

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once and for all

I am not very social person, actually a closed box. Looks attractive and easy to open but alas! that’s not the case. People think if they open my lid they can peep into me in a shot. But what they don’t know is they are wrong. What they see is an illusion when they scan me. A spectacular illusion which hide the depth in me from onlookers.

The bottom is so deep and dark even I don’t dare to jump in. It hides the most dirtiest, cruel, mean, unfriendly, selfish, cowardly moments of me which I am scared of. Once in a blue moon I dive into darkness not visit what is already there, but to deposit some fresh unwanted and undesired moments.

These deposits are like residual radioactive material. When they were active and worthy, I managed to extract the best out of those moments to make me powerful, influential, successful and what not. I always knew the shine and luster will go down sooner or later and its residue will be harmful not only for me but for all around me. So I decided to dump them where it hurts nobody and nobody can reach it.

Happy and contend after pushing them to the deepest depths, I forgot its consequences. No matter how much you cover them it will have it effects some how. Its contamination spreads from the very core you trusted to hide it and shakes your foundation.

Once revealed it actually does all those things for the very reason you kept it away from you and your life – the feeling of guilt, loosing loved ones and breaking relations. The effects this time are more devastating and damaging than if it was confessed at right time.

I never want my past to come and haunt me, so once again I will dive into these depths, this time not to deposit more at the bed but to hunt down and confess each all of them. Let me make my life guilt free once and for all.

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